In the world of business, staying visible and viable takes some effort and mastery. People’s admiration is a valuable asset for growth. However, our complexities as social beings create conflicting desires. Therefore, it’s possible to admire someone for a particular quality or identity they possess and simultaneously detest them for that same trait.

This phenomenon, often termed as “fetishizing,” occurs when one has an intense fantasy about someone because of a specific quality they have. This fantasy is fueled by curiosity and distance. Once the curiosity is satisfied, it easily allows for any underlying distaste for this person to rise to the surface.

Think of it as the classic “don’t meet your heroes” scenario. Some people meet their heroes and discover their less-than-heroic nature, which can either deepen their connection or lead to disappointment. Those who deepen their connection likely admired their heroes from a place of adequacy and identified with the qualities they found attractive.

In contrast, a fetish is laced with inadequacy and disdain for whatever makes this “hero” amazing in their eyes. Let’s break it down with some examples:

Example 1:

The fetish for black women by some Europeans. An example is the story of Sarah Baartman who was exhibited as a freak-show all over 19th century Europe. Fragments of this past remain today. The fetish towards black women like Sarah is an example of how admiration can coexist with hate. The curiosity of these men is quenched when the distance is removed, and they are faced with the reality of living with and respecting these women outside of the sexual fantasy they’ve built in their heads.

Example 2:

A bit of my experience living in South Africa as a Nigerian taught me that the admiration that Nollywood receives in South Africa can create a fetish for the people. However, when these individuals come face-to-face with their “heroes,” the qualities they once admired become sources of irritation and disdain.

Admiration and Business Growth

As a business, admiration can indeed fuel growth and visibility. As you become more visible and admired, you might attract more favors, connections, opportunities, and the like. Yet, building your business solely on admiration is risky.

Admiration alone is never enough to indicate love, affection, or respect. It certainly isn’t always sufficient to suggest a market opportunity. This is why people might hire or buy from others for things they don’t even need or want, simply out of admiration.

The Importance of Market Viability

It’s crucial to determine if there’s a market for what you do or sell versus whether people just admire you. In fact, admiration should be viewed with a healthy dose of skepticism. Many of our customers, clients, and competitors might admire qualities we have that they don’t. They might be excited when we are far off and not yet doing business with them. Reality often sets in once you begin to work with people.

Key Skills for Navigating Admiration and Fetishization

1. Differentiate Healthy Admiration from a Fetish: Understand the underlying motivations behind the admiration you receive.
2. Maintain Professional Distance: Keep a professional boundary to ensure relationships are based on substance, not just admiration.
3. Let People Warm Up to You: Allow time for genuine connections to form.
4. Be Cautious with Admiration and Criticism: Absorb admiration and criticism with equal caution to maintain a balanced perspective.

One of the biggest signs of a fetish is that once the person’s curiosity is satisfied, they tune out and might even detest you.

Have you ever found out you were someone’s fetish? How did it impact your relationship moving forward?

Conclusion

In the end, understanding the difference between healthy admiration and a fetish can save you from potential pitfalls in your personal and professional relationships.

Stay tuned to more insightful content and business tips on Dijitol‘s website and my personal blog. Follow my page and engage for regular updates!

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Some of my other services are on my company page. I started a content development agency called Dijitoland work with a fully remote team to serve small and medium scale businesses in their product launches. We have the experience and tools to help you design online sales pages that convert to leads and purchases.