Toilet GIST could be FUN

by | Jul 1, 2013 | Editor's Muse, Websites | 1 comment

Twin-toilets, that is the term to describe the dream business that could change NIGERIA. I want to write fiction now BEWARE. Once upon a time, my country hardly spends on electricity generation as much as it spent on importing domestic generators which was the bane of my neighbourhood, smoky and noisy, they rattled all day. Once upon a time my countrymen took a piss or even a dump by the roadside “kaju n be”, “no look am” in other words taking a dump was quickie business and you will never catch me smoking pipe over a roadside dump!! However,times have changed, we have 24hr grocery stores, toll-free calls with standard communication plans with good mortgage system for our homes (its fiction pls) anyways we also have the twin-toilets. A friend of mine had just had the worst day of his life and was even contemplating suicide when he was distracted by nature’s call and of course no one wants to be found dead with shit in his pants, so my friend went for the nearest public rest stop where the twin-toilets are found and took the left-wing. Corrugated Iron roofing, POP ceiling (sparkling) and glossy tiled floor, white ceramic seats and really cool atmosphere, in fact too cool for someone who wished to die. 5minutes into his relief-mission, metabolism seemed out of service and then my friend was just deciding to forget the shitting business when he heard a cellphone ring in the next cubicle, he would have left then, just that what he heard next startled him, “oloriburuku”(damned fellow), idiot!! I told you to make a clean job of it, you went and started pitying him, I just asked you to kill chairman and sell the child fast and you are calling me that you could not do it!! You will pay dearly for that. My friend of course knew “Chairman” from his neighbourhood, that man is a good person, who would die to make the Local government peaceable and good, he didn’t finish his dump, took off to the closest Police station and without ado, some men were despatched to get to the root of the matter. They had beaten Alao almost to death, all he could say all day was chairman is not chairman!!! My friend who had just got a fall in his shares was still thinking of going after his suicide-plan but the police-chief had to keep him till a confession was beaten out of Alao. This torture continued all day, until about mid-day when suddenly a very hungry-looking women came in with a half-starved dog who just kept yelping, wetin dem talk say my husband do ooooo!!! (What crime did my husband commit) and she was evidently distraught yet the noise that came with her dog would not allow her here the police-chief, madam you have to quiet that your dog first, the chief said gesturing at the dog, Chairman!! Silence!! and my friend realized that he had sent an hungry man who would rather eat his dog than take his own life to hell and back, while he was ready to die cause of what he thought he didn’t have. Contentment with the fear of God is great gain, Life is more precious than any measure of wealth. Never say “its over” and never give up.

1 Comment

  1. Adenike Oladeji

    No gist is palatable in an unkempt toilet.


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