COMMUNICATION!! typically this is how normal people transmit or receive info, data or signal. Yes! Just like your mobile phone.
There is this episode with my dad I can never forget, where he sits with my brother and I to “scrutinize” movies we were watching. I don’t know whether by “winshi” (witchcraft) or by mammy water (marine spirits), it was around that time a gay sex scene just came up. See gobe!! Na like open sepulchre my mouth be for my mind. There was this odd silence as am sure neither of us kids could summon courage to fast forward the thing. It was the perfect setup to kill movie watching for us.
I won’t tell you what daddy said or did but here are things I think would make it easy to communicate with young children about sensitive matters like sex:
1. Correction vs Badmouthing: what do you think is the difference between these statement – “I knew it! that is how you will graduate from blue film to ehmm ashawo!” and “I know there are lots of wrong ideas on TV but I want to help you choose”. This a choice between + and – communication.
2. Preventive communication: some parents just can’t be friends with their children so the only time they have a chat is when the boy’s box is packed for university, then when he is about to marry! I have come to believe this is like calling fire services after the house has collapsed. Don’t assume you know your child except you really do.
3. Crack jokes before nuts:
You want sensitive talk to be easy when you cannot joke or chatter for more than 5 minutes? That’s a joke! Full stop.
4. Confidence: allow your children to make decisions without undue apologies. A child who can frankly say no would listen to correction without reading other meaning into it. For example if your child constantly assumes you are accusing him/her when you are advising, there is a problem….
Father: you know stealing is wrong…..
Son: are you saying I took the meat?
Summarily, don’t be a coward, jerk, judgemental father, mother or boss when you need to overcome negative parenting.