The fact that it is paining (hurting) you like it will kill you does not mean the whole world will automatically “carry your matter for head.” Most people that expect others to just bandy along with them on every issue are lacking in empathy. The moment of conflict dampens their capacity to see from the other person’s perspective. At that moment only their own reality is valid.
People like these have a difficult time realizing that other people are experiencing a whole different world from theirs at the moment.
I used to be very impatient with people. When I needed things and messaged you, I would expect you to see how urgent it was and do the needful. I used to wonder how someone could be so insensitive and evil not to know that my whole world was crashing. I started to hate and resent people’s indifference to my needs.
That was me being and immature, insensitive and foolish.
I wrote Some things about people who could not help me when I had needs. My hope is that they were not misinterpreted, now I know better. I hope no one thinks I hold these people accountable for how life has dealt with me. They did their best and I appreciate every little effort people have made for me.
I know I could be very fixed up and needy. I try to stay out of people’s way but somehow, people keep reaching out to help and that little they do is enough.
Don’t complain so much
You cannot expect everyone to be busy punching out opinions about what your community or family is passing through. There are a lot more issues bugging other people as well. Your colleagues at work, your boss, the secretary and even the cleaner all have their burdens to bear. Your voice should count wherever you are, that was why you were born there.
When I was in Anambra, I wrote about Anambra. When I was in Delta I wrote about Delta, and the same for Osogbo or South Africa. I also make sure that my facts are clear about what I am writing.
There are times I have to clarify some things when my posts give people a wrong impression. The Indian doctor I cited in one of my stories was doing me a favour, yet I was not comfortable. The Doctor made remarks that added to my fears, I hoped I would not face discriminateion in South Africa. Should I now place the burdens of my fears on you that is living somewhere in Ibeju Lekki, emotionally blackmailing you to do something about a situation you have not experienced?
A personal lesson
I remember during my service year, I had a plan to raise money for an orphanage visit. I talked to my boss and others to raise money for the visit, her reply has ever stuck with me. She said “you are the one who had an intention to reach out to orphans for your birthday, just go with the little you are able to raise and if others are interested, they should do the same but don’t expect such from people.” I am just paraphrasing her statements.
The point she made was that, I am solely responsible for my emotions or desires. You cannot force people to see from your lens. The first time I learnt this lesson was when I started a drama group in university. I realized that you cannot force people to follow you, you can only show people by evidence that what you have is a worthy cause.
It’s a Sign of Good Leadership Skills
Leaders in the University fellowships then were known to speak rashly, suspend and even exile members or executives for not falling in line. The fellowships were usually affiliated to these student’s home churches so the leaders could get away with such entitled behaviour.
I was leading a group of people who had no affiliations to me, they had nothing I could hold them to. If I tried to blackmail them, I would only wake up to a dead group. These guys stuck with me till I graduated. Even though the drama group is no more, they are still friends I can always count on for anything.
I had to realize that my team members had their own separate world views. Regardless of whatever I felt God was telling me to do, these other people are humans too. I knew there is a limit to which people can carry your pain on their head and if you want better results or you want people to follow, then you have to prove to them that its a worthy cause of which it must also align with their goals in life.
Team Players Don’t Need Attention Seeking Leaders
I work with a team of writers now for my writing platform. Some left and new ones joined. I have provided content for websites and businesses with a team of other writers and even when I knew I was going to pay these writers, I still had to respect their separate situations.
You being emotional about anything could get you into deeper trouble than you expect. When tension is high and emotions are running riot, be careful the way you see other people. Be careful the tings you say and how you interact with people. It is those times that show the true nature of who you are. This week is another opportunity to represent yourself as a better person worthy of respect. This changes everything for you, your confidence grows and you would be more focused on developing yourself than seeking undue attention from others.
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